confessions......

Dear Big Green Tree,

                     I sincerely hope that as I write this letter to you, you are still there in the very same place, reaching out to transform someone else’s life without that person having the slightest of inkling as to what you are doing to his or her life. I have always wanted to thank you personally from the bottom of my heart for that sense of relief, comfort and lightness that you had brought me. It was many years ago, on a weekend when I had travelled to this small town with my parents and it was a chance encounter with you in one of the big gardens there. I saw you standing there in a magnanimous expanse which had a magnetic force about it. I instantly found myself standing beneath you, in your shade and in a few minutes from almost nowhere did I have tears rolling down my eyes. I was surprised and shocked as I stood still in that staggering silence. I was absolutely unprepared for what followed next. I found myself kneeling down on the floor, right beneath you, hugged by your big branches and d tender leaves on all sides and shedding tears like never before. At that moment I could not fathom the mysteries of nature. All I knew was that I did not want to break free from the tender, green embrace all around me. I had no idea that vested deep down within me were emotions that were causing me pain, discomfort and a heaviness which I was carrying with me all along. It was as if a part of me was dwelling in an unknown world, opening the windows of which gave me a new insight. I don’t remember for how long I sat there. But when I finally got up I emerged as a new person altogether. There was a quality of lightness about me , a sense of clarity and a feeling of happiness. Nature, they say work in strange ways and that day I was lucky enough to feel one of them. Dear tree I can’t thank you enough for that experience and I sincerely hope that someone else will be as lucky  as me someday.

Thanking you,

Shamayita.

GRAVEYARD SHIFT....A REALITY CHECK

The other day as I was walking I came across a church in the countryside and a graveyard behind it. I don’t know why , but churches have always appealed to me right from my school days and whenever I see one I somehow find myself staring at it for a while and sometimes also going in and sitting on the benches if it is allowed. But this time a very strange thing happened to me. There was something about this graveyard which got me completely hooked. I stood there, still. For how long I don’t exactly know. And the feeling was not one of scare or fright. It was a very calm, peaceful feeling devoid of any urgency to leave or the necessity to talk with someone. It was as if time stood still and I was wrapped in a blanket of love, peace and acceptance. For a moment I was completely unaware of the hustle and bustle of this busy world. Was it the finality of the people’s destiny that lay there in peace creating that atmosphere? Was it the lovely flowers that grew all around? Or was is just mother nature’s way of saying that peace is where we begin in a mother’s womb, peace is where we finally end and the journey in between is full of that inherent peace which somehow gets overpowered by the world ego . It made me stop and think of the importance of all the lovely people that I have in my world, the love and blessings that flow unconditionally, the help I have received at various times and the wonderful friendship that I share with some. I was grateful for being a part of this wonderful universe and immensely grateful to God for that pause in my busy daily schedule which made me think of all the positive elements of my life, to realise how blessed I was to have all that I do. It made me feel responsible for my achievements as well as my shortcomings in life. I said a little prayer of gratitude and as I opened my eyes it fell on the epitaph in front which read...

“Life is a jest, and all things show it;

I thought so once and now I know it.”

LOOK.....IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE!!!!

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So, what is the big fuss about relationships and issues related to it? Is it love that holds two people together and if so, then have we been able to find out what this means. Well, contemporary glorified love is more attuned with buying gifts, having a social recognition, thinking that you care about each other, sometimes even competing as to who is the superior one in the relationship!! It’s more like being in love with the idea of love rather than love itself. I am suddenly asking all these questions to myself because a very dear person of mine, she is like a friend and a mentor to me, is going through a bad divorce and this came as a real shock to me. I started thinking and had certain thoughts which I’d like to share with you all. Love in its purest and truest form refers to ‘self-love’ and by that I don’t mean a selfish love but knowledge of one’s own self. The big question here is what do I want? What makes me happy and how can I change myself in order to bring about the change that I want in people and things around me? Very often we hear the phrase, “I want to change him or her” or sometimes “My way of thinking is so right”. What we forget is that it is right for me perhaps but might not be so for someone else. Now, loving and knowing oneself is to be in the presence of the knowledge that every individual’s basic nature is that of love, peace, sweetness and harmony. We all have it in us and that our only responsibility here, on this Earth is to spread them like a fragrant flower. Now in doing so, I would be happy and content because then I would be doing exactly what nature intended for me to do. And people around will automatically be attracted to do the same....this applies to any sort of relationship as well. Like Emily Dickinson says:
“If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one lonely person
Into happiness again
I shall not live in vain.”
Thus if I have respect for myself , love for myself, devoid of that constant self criticism, useless comparison and free from the blame game, then I guess that is what I would call a relationship and that too......a successful one :)

EUREKA!!!!!

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Recently I had an idea and put that to use for two months. The post implementation feeling, which is pretty amazing, I wanted to share it with all you friends out here. I had thought of two things: Firstly- I would try and help out someone in need (and by that I don’t mean in need of a mobile phone or a watch!), a real need , once every week i.e. a minimum of one help every week. Secondly-I decided that I would put away some money (don’t ask me how much, cause it’s very minimal, but hey! That’s the best I can do at this age and with my means:)). And at the end of every month I would spend it on someone randomly, someone I don’t know, who doesn’t expect anything from me, someone who needs it. A need far better justified than the need for a bigger television (37”, 41” ...60”, 65”, plasma, HD???), better car (is Ferrari the limit???), the latest video game (is it Prince of Persia, GTA IV or Madden2009???) Then I thought “let’s corporatize my ideas a lil bit, let’s give them a glam quotient.” After all today, a sense of importance is so much synonymous with designation, money, power, consumerism and so on. So I decided to call my first idea as “Project smiley week” and the second one as “Project random love” Thus: PROJECT: Smiley Week TARGET: 1 person every week INCENTIVE: unknown as of now, we’ll see my friends :) and the second one as PROJECT: Random Love TARGET: a person every month INCENTIVE: Don’t know at this point! So, I set out achieving my targets. I won’t go into the details of my work, but can surely tell you the results and the incentives achieved!! Project smiley week- successful, target achieved! And incentive, a happy lil face who waves at me every day, a mother who is not afraid and not ready to abort a girl child and most importantly a happy me! Project random love- successful, target achieved! And incentive, what can I say? I feel like a citizen of the whole world now, I see myself everywhere. Well, I know the incentive doesn’t match up to a six figured salary or a British / American citizenship but it has a feeling of eternity about itself. The pursuit of happiness ends here, peace is here to stay! I realised that in today’s independent India where politicians do not leave much scope for improvement , it’s time we stopped complaining and started doing something , even a small step , individually .And it’ll add up to big changes. Like I have said in my blog: “Start by doing what is possible and Very soon you will be doing the impossible.” Now, you might ask me how the hell I knew so much about games and televisions and many such material things! Well, that’s the power of consumerism. But even after knowing them all I am not in dire need of possessing them, I have discovered the false notion of importance attached to them all. Now, that my friend, is the power of the soul:)

I Think.....Therefore I Am.....

http://content.msn.co.in/Contribute/Others/UCStory7396.htm

The other day I was at a social gathering where I met some new people or shall I say some new kind of people which introduced me to a soul searching question. Now, I must mention at this point that prior to this I have been working on self -empowerment, practicing meditation, listening to some much realised souls, in the process developing self confidence, esteem, understanding my true potential. But alas! All this time I was just thinking that I achieved the above mentioned transformation, when the truth is I need to work much more, much much more on myself than I thought to get to my inner peace!! I guess it was God’s way of telling me that I needed more practice to overcome the embarrassing act of such pretentious people. We were introduced to a person who is a writer but unfortunately (for him!) we didn’t know of him. And then started the whole charade on his part to make us realise his worth and worldly achievements. He cited examples of famous people (read celebrity) he knew, how rich he was etc etc. And all this left me at quite a loss of words, thoughts and reactions too I guess. So much of trumpeting did hit me hard and I realised I couldn’t say a single thing about myself. He was successful enough to make me blame myself for not being skilful enough to brag about myself in a sugar coated way. And then it suddenly hit me how an unrealised, uneducated soul can still cause a turmoil in me which only proves that I have a lot of work to do on myself to rise above these false, petty notions of self importance and popularity. At the end of my self analysis it all made me laugh at the fact that people around the world give so much importance to external factors, about trying to prove themselves and the emphasis is on looking and seeking outside rather than turning inside. It reminded me of:

“Give yourself a hug

When people put on airs

To make you feel a bug.....

.............................................

And keep on singing,

‘Only one in a million like me

Only one in a million-billion-trillion-zillion

Like me.’”

I am working at it and the more you work on it my friends the happier and peaceful you’ll be.

TRUSTRUCTURE

http://content.msn.co.in/Contribute/Others/UCStory6620.htm


I have been feeling for quite some time now that the existence of a very important word can be given the status of an endangered species nowadays. Its very conceptualisation has become very difficult. It’s the “T” word, yes that much adored, loved and hoped for TRUST . So the next question that arises is that “is trust important?” Well I would say it is as important as breathing, as indispensable as our conscience from us. People find it difficult to leave their homes for a few days to go on a holiday, friends fear that their information might not be safe with the other, a husband suspects his wife of cheating him, the wife’s scared that he might run away someday, two people in love contemplating from time to time whether they would make it to the altar. When I think of trust the perfect picture that conjures up in front of my eyes is that of a new born baby with a total surrender to its mother, a smile on its face that says “I am accepted, I am loved, I am cared for and I can trust.” Can we not expect such honesty, such faith, such confidence and trust in the natural process of progression that we call growth? Can grownups not be trustworthy to each other? I am sure they can J . We just need to keep the faith intact and am sure trust will follow. Let’s not give it a status of antiquity that can be auctioned. Let’s say to each other “ I trust you ”.

ETHNICALLY YOURS'.........

http://content.msn.co.in/Contribute/Others/UCStory6325.htm

Recently I had been on a trip to Scotland where one day on a tour of the Highlands I came upon a chance encounter with a diverse array of people from different parts of the world. There were two friends from the US, a family from Finland, a few students from France, two German ladies and a man from Australia. The very firmly rooted Indian soul that I have made me wonder: is this what we call unity in diversity? As the day progressed and so did the tour we all got talking to each other, sharing our stories and thoughts and beliefs and would you believe what I found out? At the very core of all these Homo sapiens there was something very common, very similar. It was as if I had ventured into an unknown territory with a known ‘something’ that was staring right into my eyes. And then suddenly there it was in a flash! My known friend, ‘HUMANITY’. Sounds familiar eh? So I thought, is this what is called a spiritual unity of life? It was like a spiritual déjà vu :). It was amazing to find that Finnish Pam shared a similar fear with French Amelia and that American Frankie shared a common belief with Indian Shamayita :). Like it is said:

“Each soul is potentially divine. The goal is to manifest this divinity within by controlling nature, external and internal”

I thought, what if I looked at the much talked about globalisation not from a purely economical or statistical aspect but from a unique aspect of humanisation. As Robert Browning said:

“Love, hope, fear, faith- these make humanity:

These are its sign and note and character.”

And this humanity is what distinguishes a human being from a Homo sapien. This basic oneness among every single soul on this earth is indeed intriguing, even more so when you actually experience it. It was nice to know or rather reaffirm that basically we are all good, that we have the ability to love, the courage to dream and the faith to believe in the existence of this goodness.

Scotland of course was beauty personified. I plan to write about that as well. So, till next time all you beautiful people out there....peace out! :)